Surreal Situations

I've awoke every morning for the last week with a knot is my stomach and a pounding heart. Initially I believed it to be the vodka Red Bull consumed the nights before in celebration of finishing yet another degree. However, I've realized this not to be the cause of discomfort.

I've realized it's anxiety. You see my mother's family is all from Australia. It's tradition in the native culture there to do what is called a walkabout. This is essentially a spiritual journey into the unknown for a long period of time. My grandfather took his when he was extremely young and never returned to what I would call a normal life until he married my grandmother. My mother took hers when she was 18 and said she "came back a whole new women." Well my walkabout is approaching and I too will experience the spiritual journey that has changed so many in my family.

So why the anxiety I ask myself. I'm incredibly excited for this adventure. But I haven't been able to determine the source of said anxiety until this morning. I woke this morning with the same feelings that I've awaken with all week. As I tossed and turned I finally was set as ease when my eyes landed upon the calming entity lying next to me. The anxiety was not stemming from my bad planning, unpacked suitcases, or lack of Australian knowledge. It was my heart aching for the one I love. My world, my everything, my muse!

The hearts a work of art difficult to understand. I spend way too much time attempting to understand exactly what it's telling my head. My eyes see what's happening, my brain interprets the message, and delivers to my heart which should decipher my feelings in relation to the image. Well I think the messenger has a flat tire or got way to hammered last night to be working today! My heart is broken. Although my walkabout is only 5 weeks long my heart already aches for the man I know I'll miss most. I finally understand the saying "you complete me." He does complete me. He's the glasses that fix my blurred vision, the caffeine that sharpens my brain, and the sober messenger delivering ease to my pounding heart.

When it comes to my anxiety I simply need to retreat to the serenity that continues to inspire me everyday of my life. My Muse!